Why You Should Give Up Writing and Go Golfing Instead - Part One

Yes, you read that right.

Although there are many reasons why a writer may choose to become a professional writer – in other words, get paid for what they write, there are also reasons why you shouldn’t do this. Or shouldn’t try to. Or why you should just go away and find some other artistic endeavor to torture yourself with.

Yes, I am focusing on the negative.

Writing is an art and a skill. Unlike other professions where you can go to school and become a lawyer, or a plumber, or a zoologist, or a zombie hunter, there is no guarantee that you will ever be a paid writer. There are valleys filled with the bones of deceased writers, and mountains of dead manuscripts, and oceans of frustrated tears, all from wordsmiths who couldn’t sell anything. They were all convinced they were brilliant – in between the times where they were convinced that they were abominations of God – and some of them may very well have been brilliant with great stories to tell.

So, to save you from heartache, I am going to try and scare some of you away. It’s too late for me. I’m trapped. You may thank me later.

I could make a list of reasons why you should just give up on this foolishness, but instead I’m going to focus on one reason a post, because I need material for my blog.

Here it goes. Reason number one.

If you can’t write a coherent sentence with proper punctuation, spelling and grammar, then you CAN’T be a published writer.

Yeah, I know. That stuff is so-o-o-o boring and you fell asleep in class when they were teaching this stuff. I hated it too and tried to read books under my desk instead.

A few months ago I was in an Facebook group of writers. I use that word loosely. And yes, I’m being arrogant. I’ve earned it. Some of these “writers” would ask people to look at their work, which is completely fine. That's why writers get together, to help each other out. Except, when they asked they would write something like, “I wood luv 4 someone 2 look @ my stuff & tell me wat needs fixin.”

No.

I will not look @ your stuff and see wat needs fixin – because it’s apparent that everything needs fixing even before I look at it. I’ve got other things to do and although I love helping people, if you can’t even ask properly then you’re telling me that you can’t write. I do not want to give myself a headache. There are more fun things to do in this world. Like wash dishes.

Honestly, spelling, grammar and punctuation matter. When I pointed this out, people became offended.

Really? You can’t write a coherent sentence, you want help, but if I point out a basic like punctuation you can’t handle it. How are you going to handle someone telling you that your plot stinks, they hate your protagonist and they think you need to add a love interest?

If you can’t handle criticism, then you will never be a writer, because people will criticize you, reject you, and tear your work apart. Just ask J.K. Rowling. I’m sure you’ve got her on speed dial. And that's a whole other point that will even get its own blog post.

One guy even dared to claim that “editors will fix it.”

No. They won’t. They have stacks and stacks of manuscripts to wade through, from authors who have bothered to learn the basics and use them. Yes, editors are there to fix mistakes and make suggestions, but you have to show them that you know the rules and that you use them. They don’t want headaches either.

“But my story is the greatest story ever and the spelling and stuff won’t matter once they read it.”

They won’t read it. It’s too hard to read. Guess what? You’re not special. You’re not special until you can prove you’re special and have a story to tell that is presented properly. No one is going to say “Oh, here’s a guy from Oklahoma and he’s written a story that I can’t read but I bet it’s great anyway.” Okay, maybe you're mother might, but it's likely she won't if you can't write a coherent sentence. She might even say it's nice, but don't believe her. And then there were those who said, “It doesn’t matter if someone uses text speak on a forum, what matters is that they know how to do it when they write.”

Well, you should know the rules so well that it’s second nature to you and you have to actually think to do it incorrectly. And if you dare to send your manuscript to an agent or publisher, then that cover letter you send along with it, better be punctuated properly without text speak and spelling mistakes. Because if it’s full of mistakes, then you’re brilliant story will never be read. Your princess will never be saved, your dragons will die, and your hero will fall on his own sword all while proclaiming "i did it all 4 u!!!"

Plus there’s that whole respect thing. If you want writers to respect you, then you have to respect other writers. You are asking for their time and expertise. You need to ask them with your best, not your laziest, don't care, I'm brilliant because I exist self.

Are there times to break the rules? Absolutely. But you better know the rules to break them. I would guide you to some really gifted rule breakers, but I don't want to give you ideas.

So, if you really want to be a writer, learn the rules. They’re not hard. Word and Grammarly can help you.

If there’s a red squiggle under a word then it could be that it’s spelled wrong. You may want to check it out.

Use paragraphs. No one wants to read a wall of text. Walls are for keeping things in or keeping things out and there’s too much talk of walls in politics these days.

Use quotation marks when people speak. Change the paragraph every time the speaker changes. Use periods at the end of sentences, question marks at the end of questions, and capitals at the beginning of sentences.

Yes, it’s boring, but once you know it, it’s not painful anymore. Especially to those who you want to read your brilliant version of Star Wars meets Godzilla.

Please, before you inflict... I mean, share, your work to the world, let the world know you care about it and dress it properly. And if you can't be bothered to do it, then please go golfing instead.

#writing