You're Somebody Even When Nobody Loves You
I read somewhere that there was a study about happiness and marriage that rated happiness levels in this order... 1. Happily married people. 2. Single women.
3. Single men.
4. Unhappily married people.
That looks about right to me. Now I don't know where this study is and with all studies there was probably another study that would argue this and there's likely a study out there that says that unhappily married people who have affairs and go to the Bahamas every year are the happiest people of all.
I guess it depends what other factors are in play.
And my guess is that when being single becomes more acceptable, then the happiness quotient for single people goes up. No pressure to find the right one. No questions asked about when you're having kids. No insinuations that you are less than because no one loves you. (One of the worst songs ever is "You're Nobody 'til Somebody Loves You"). No stigma with eating alone at a restaurant or buying a single ticket at the movies.
Because honestly the hardest part about being alone, is the belief that if you are alone then something is wrong with you.
Now if you are happily married than bless you. Enjoy it. Treasure it. Make it the most important part of your life. After all, your the happiest people on earth. You just need to live in Disneyland.
But if you are like me, life is still pretty good. The secret is instead of moaning about what you don't have, like no one to kill possible invading rodents, you revel in the great things you do have.
So a list of great things about Iiving alone...
1. No one snores in your ear, steals the blankets, or knocks you out of bed onto the floor. And if you snore, there's no one waking you up to complain about your snoring.
2. You can dance naked in the kitchen. Now people can argue that you can still do that when you live with someone, however you always run the risk that your other someone might bring people home to surprise you - as you dance naked in the kitchen.
3. You don't have to explain your finances to anyone. No sneaking packages into the house. No explaining why you spent two hundred bucks on your latest hobby, or why you need the impractical convertible instead of the boring sedan, or on the other hand no getting a credit card statement with purchases that you didn't make. You are in control of your money. So if you can't pay your rent because you spent it on cheese doodles and video games that was your decision.
4. You can have a weird hobby that no one complains about. No one cares that you have a room full of Star Wars memorabilia and you like to re-enact key scenes or make up new ones. You can have shelves full of books without someone saying "are you going to read all of those?" - like that's a requirement for having shelves of books. You can fix motorcycles in your living room, teach your cat the cha cha, or have tea parties with your doll collection and your teddy bears and no one is going to say "for the love of God, please stop." You can have a delivery system throughout your house with your model trains and no one but you will trip on them wrecking the tracks. You get to be as bizarre as you want to be as long as it isn't hurting anyone, you remember what reality is, you're not destroying property, and it's legal. Embrace your weird!
5. You can eat what you want when you want. I met a woman last night who is happily married but because of an employment situation with her husband, he works somewhere else and is gone a lot. At first she thought it was going to be hard. Then she said she realized "I can have toast for supper."
You can have toast for supper. You can have supper at 11 at night. No one says to you "What's for dinner?" No one complains about the food. No one is on top of you about doing the dishes. You can eat in front of the tv without ignoring anyone. You can follow a strict diet if you want, or just eat ding dongs and popcorn. If you burn dinner no one knows unless the fire department comes out.
6. You can go where you want when you want. Sure there are restrictions such as work and money, but beyond that - there's no coordination involved. You can choose your vacation. You don't have to figure out who gets to use the car (you only need one car - if that). You can stay overnight somewhere without checking in. No one says "Where were you!" There are no debates about laying on the beach in Rio or combing museums in Rome or who's mother you visit for Thanksgiving.
7. You can stay up as late as you want without someone whining "when are you coming to bed." Or you can go to bed early. Or you can choose to sleep somewhere else in the house. Or out of the house. You can set up a tent in your backyard and no one will tell you that's stupid. You'll discover that for yourself when you wake up snuggling a raccoon.
8 If you want to give up showering for a few days, forget where your comb is, and wear clothes with holes in them, there's no one to look at you in disgust as you drop ding dong crumbs down your shirt. Just, don't go out to work like that. But hey, if you work from home then it's perfectly fine.
9. No one tells you to stop singing.
And no one complains if you play the same song over and over again.
And no one complains if you like country music. Or heavy metal. Or monks chanting. Unless you live in an apartment building with thin walls. If that's the case you don't really live alone.
10. Your mess, is your mess. There's no one else's mess. No one else's stuff you have to put up with. No one else's weird hobby, smelly clothes, strange food, or sloppy housekeeping. If you're a perfectionist you can keep things perfect. If you're a slob you can keep things slobby. 11. You can decorate any way you choose. If you love florals and doilies and knick knacks all over, go for it. If you want your place to look like a bar in the red light district, you can do that. If you want minimalist gray with no warmth or beauty or furniture, embrace it. Circus theme complete with clowns - just don't invite anyone over. You don't have to follow convention. You can do your own thing. Wave your own flag. Decorate with flags. Your mom may not like it but she doesn't have to live there.
Life is good living alone. And if I ever do get married again...I want his and hers houses.
*****
Today's Canadian Woman...
Emily Carr (1871-1945)
Emily Carr was born in Victoria BC. My home town. In fact her house was just a few blocks away from my elementary school in James Bay and we would walk there on a field trip. We did a lot of walking field trips because of where we lived. She was a writer but most famous for her paintings of nature on Vancouver Island (although she also went to France and painted there). She never married and was pretty independent. And apparently she was as formidable as her picture here.
(not the same house I visited at school. I visited her "all sorts" house. This one is her birthplace.)
