16 Things I've Learned From Hyacinth Bucket
I’m a big fan of “Keeping Up Appearances” a British sitcom from 1990 - 1995 about a woman who aspires to the upper class. Hyacinth was born low class into an embarrassing family. They really are embarrassing. If you can relate it to the southern U.S. and their “poor white trash” (which I think is pretty offensive) - that’s where Hyacinth comes from. When we meet her she is middle-aged and married to a quiet, unassuming, beleaguered but successful man and is now living in a respectable middle class neighborhood with brownstone houses and small gardens that everyone takes care of. She is an active member of her church and community and a frequent volunteer. She loves to sing (to the horror of those who hear her) and entertain with her candlelit suppers and dress up picnics. She wears floral dresses with often a hat to match. But mostly, she admires the upper class and has educated herself in etiquette and the social graces. Her constant attempts at reaching those in the upper class and doing the things they do is the basis of the show and results in hilarious blunders and failings. Along the way, her neighbors shudder at her behavior and consider her snobbish and ridiculous and make great attempts to avoid her. Her poor husband, Richard, goes along with much of it, and you can’t help but feel a little sorry for him and wonder why he doesn’t say no more often - or leave. The writers, actors, and producers want us all to laugh at her and look down on her. Yes. Hyacinth is a snob. She’s difficult. She can be scary. She is often foolish. She has no perception about people. She’s self-centered. She makes ridiculous demands on people and often on the mailman. And she would be extremely hard to live with. One friend of mine said “she wants people to think she’s better than she is.” But I’m not sure what that means. Who’s to say what someone is? Don’t we all want people to think we are better than we are? What does that mean? We are to stay in the role that someone else has assigned to us? She have some really cool qualities too. And while all her neighbors, her family, her fellow church members, and the pastor all look down on her and think her a snob - they are actually the snobs. Their desire to keep her “in her place” is evident as they even refuse to call her by the name she wants them to. Now THAT is rude. It’s pronounced “Bouquet” not Bucket. Bouquet is prettier and goes much better with Hyacinth. It’s never been pronounced Bouquet before but that doesn’t mean it can’t be pronounced that now. People change their names all the time. Why shouldn’t she be called Hyacinth Bouquet? So here are some things I’ve learned from Hyacinth “Bouquet”. 1. Names are important. What you call yourself has a lot of bearing on how you behave and how you feel about yourself. If you don’t like your name, then change it. Change the spelling, the pronunciation, the nickname. Use your middle name. Or just adopt a different name. It’s your name. Not anyone else’s. Why shouldn’t you like your name? 2. When you want to know something, get educated. Even if you can’t afford a formal education there are plenty of books that will tell you things and give you the secrets. Hyacinth has a vast library on entertaining, social etiquette, and various other subjects she is interested in. We know this because it’s part of the opening credits. 3. Just because you haven’t been born into the optimum circumstances doesn’t mean you can’t aspire to great things. There is nothing wrong with leaving behind what doesn’t work for you. Poverty doesn’t mean you have to stay poor forever. I think this is a British thing to stick to your class. Though they’ve changed some what, it appears to be heavily ingrained. Even today people are often negative about Meghan Markle - almost “how can that little nobody marry our prince?” Hyacinth recognizes the different class systems, but she sees no reason to stay in the one she was born into. 4. What other people say doesn’t really matter. Yes, Hyacinth is all about impressing other people. But on the other hand, she doesn’t much care if people disapprove of her doing this. She doesn’t let other people’s demands that she stay in her place resonate with her. She isn’t deterred by other’s negativity. 5. Know what you want and go for it, even if it seems out of reach. Hyacinth doesn’t stop to consider that her aspirations are ridiculous as some might think. She instead, has decided that she wants it, and she figures out ways to go about getting it. When she comes to a roadblock she figures out a way around it, or over it, or under it, or through it. She is never malicious about it though. She doesn't purposely hurt anyone in the process. 6. Be loyal to your family and be there for them. As much as her family embarrasses her, when they call, she comes. She is always there for them. She solves their problems. She treats them with respect. She may be exhausted by it or wish she didn’t have to, but she comes. 7. Say good things about people. Her son Sheldon is a lazy loser who only calls for money. She never, ever says that. She praises him to everyone she knows. She sees the good qualities in him and loves him. 8. Bear no jealousy. Hyacinth has a sister Violet who has done even better than she has. She brags to everyone about Violet. There is no malice there. She doesn’t wish that she had what Violet has INSTEAD of Violet. She wants them AS WELL AS Violet. Her aspirations to upper class living isn’t resentment that the upper class has what she hasn’t. It’s admiration and she wants to join them, not replace them. 9. Appreciate the things you have. Hyacinth desires many things. But she appreciates the things she has. She appreciates her home and neighborhood, her white slimline phone, her Royal Dalton tea service with the periwinkles, her husband, and even her neighbor Elizabeth who becomes a nervous wreck around her and smashes things. She takes care of her things and her home is well kept and her husband is provided with good food and clean, well pressed clothes. 10. Be adventurous. There is nothing that Hyacinth won’t try. Often she drags Richard on these adventures who isn’t as thrilled about them as she is. The result is often hilarious and embarrassing disasters. But wouldn’t it be fun to be Hyacinth’s friend? Think of all the stories you could tell - if you survived them. 11. Don’t save the good stuff for a special day. Hyacinth uses her Royal Dalton china tea set with the periwinkles all the time. She treasures it, and values it, but she uses it because that’s what it’s for. She knows she is worth it and the people that visit are worth it too. Well, she’s given up on Elizabeth because Elizabeth keeps breaking her cups and I can't say I blame her. But instead of banning Elizabeth for breaking her things, she still invites Elizabeth over and works around it to make her more comfortable. 12. Volunteer. Her reasons for volunteering are not always altruistic, but she is there and helping. Or being a pain. But she shows up. 13. Be patient and polite. She is always receiving phone calls for take out Chinese Food. She is always polite even though they clearly have the wrong number and she retains a sense of humor about it even when she’s exasperated by it.
14. Dress for the occasion. No matter what Hyacinth does, she dresses appropriately for the occasion. It could be tennis whites, a sailors outfit, riding togs, or an outdoor tea party. She is careful about her appearance. Sure she wants to impress others, but she knows that dressing appropriately helps her to rise to the occasion and feel confident. 15. When things go wrong, keep trying anyway. Almost everything Hyacinth does fails. And yet, she never gives up. She never stops trying. Even when the results are humiliating. She picks herself up, dusts herself off, and starts all over again. 16. She believes in herself. Even if no one else does. She believes in herself. And she believes in her husband too. Now see, Hyacinth isn’t all that bad. She’s just misunderstood.
