Mom Advice: For Young Women Embarking on a New Adventure

I am now a young woman in a much older body. I wish I had listened to advice when I was in a much younger body and had all kinds of time stretched out before me, before I made so many mistakes that could have been avoided. Now, let’s be clear, you are going to make mistakes. It’s unavoidable and part of the growing and learning process. But don’t make the mistake of not paying attention to good advice. You don’t have to make every mistake. Learn from those who have gone before. You’re on a journey. Those who have gone ahead can tell you about the pits of slime and the dragons dens and the dangerous snakes. 1. Get an education. I’m not saying you have to go deeply into debt to get an education that you never use. Those days are over. Be smart about it. Don’t be in school forever. Don’t be continually changing your major. Pick one and finish it and if you need another then consider it. But don’t waste your money never getting anywhere. And consider the trades, or business school, or an apprenticeship. What do you love? Pay for as much of your education as possible and don’t rely completely on loans. 2. Get a career. You need to be able to support yourself. Even if one day you want to get married and stay at home with your children, you still need a career. You never know when things will blow up. Your husband could die, or leave, or get sick. Most families can’t make it on one income anymore. And while you’re at home with kids, stay in your career even if it’s just a little bit. It’s really hard to find work after twenty years of being at home. Employers don’t value stay-at-home moms. This needs to change, but that’s the reality right now. 3. Live on your own. You can have a roommate(s). But this means move out of your parent’s house. Moving in with your grandparents isn’t living on your own. Nor is living in your parents basement or the pool house. Living on your own means that you have a place separate from your family and you pay rent. 4. Handle your own finances. I will do another post on finances. This one is so important it needs its own post. Basically, pay your bills, stay out of debt, save your money, spend wisely, give carefully. And don’t give anyone access to your money. 5. Travel. Don’t go into debt doing this, but this is a great time to see the world. Note: Be careful about where you go. Make sure you are not picking dangerous places for women. And don’t just go to sun spots and lie around the beach all day. Go to places with history where you can learn things. Europe for instance. Or a cross country car trip. Visit museums, castles, landmarks, nature. Attend festivals. Eat the food. Enjoy the culture. 6. Don’t rush into marriage. Be careful of who you date. Does he treat you well? Does he treat other people well? Is he controlling or abusive? Do you think you can “fix him”. (You can’t, don’t try, move on.). How does he handle money? Don’t expect him to fix you. 7. Volunteer. Help out in your community. Pick something you’re passionate about. 8. Be politically active. This doesn’t mean you have to run for office, but be aware of the politics of your country, your province/state, and your city. Have an opinion. Vote. Volunteer. Voice your opinions. Read. 9. Take care of your body. This body has to last you a lifetime. It may also eventually create other lives. It’s easiest to take care of it now when it’s young and healthy than to try and fix it later. Eat well, exercise, go to the doctor/dentist, take care of your skin and teeth, get some sleep, protect yourself sexually, avoid drugs and other addictive substances, take a self-defense class, drive carefully, don’t take stupid risks. (Note: there is always risk, but there’s calculated risks and stupid risks. You can go rock climbing, just make sure you have safety equipment and use it properly. You can drive the Rockies, but watch your speed and the road. You can go sky-diving , but not without a parachute). 10. Do things that you’re afraid to do but you know will help you grow as a person. 11. You don’t have to have a lot of friends, but have a good circle of friends who will be there for you. And be there for your friends. 12. Keep a good relationship with your family. Note: If you have toxic members who hurt you, you will need to be careful here, but otherwise, no matter where you move to, keep in touch with your family. They love you. Especially pay attention to the older ones who won’t be that long. They have stories to tell. Record them. The younger ones look up to you, be someone worth looking up to. 13. Learn to keep your house clean and organized. This is not about perfection, nor should you have to spend a lot of time on this. Just keep it presentable, livable, and safe. 14. Learn to cook. It saves money. It’s a skill you need. It’s healthier than take-out. 15. Spend your extra money (again there’s going to be a finance post), on education and experiences and less on stuff. At this time in your life, you don’t need that much stuff. 16. Learn a second language. Maybe you took French in school and don’t remember it. Learn it again. Learn a third language or a fourth. In Europe, everyone speaks at least three languages. English is a fantastic language, but it’s good to have at least one other. Pick one that will be useful. If you go for a third language then you can pick something more obscure or your heritage language. 17. Work is important. But so is play. So develop some hobbies. Take care of yourself, emotionally and spiritually. Read, knit, play an instrument, paint, sing, sew, ride horseback, play tennis, swim, write, watch movies, - whatever soul feeds you is important. Take time for it. Don’t worry if it’s not cool or no one else understands it. Just do you. 18. Have fun. Life is hard. Learn to have fun. Find the humor in things. Look for the light in the dark. Laugh a lot. You can cry and have a good long one, but then pick yourself up and start again. And there you go. I’m sure there’s some I haven’t thought of. But that will be another post.