Advent Blog Day 12: A Weird Victorian Christmas
Victorians (and I don't mean people like me who come from the city of Victoria), were a strange bunch. On one hand you have the image of the uptight puritanical crew who fainted at the sight of table legs and ladies ankles although lots of cleavage in the evening was perfectly acceptable. And on the other side, you have the ones who held seances and went to doctors to get a ladies relief (something their husbands should have been doing).
When we think of a Victorian Christmas we think of sleigh rides and Christmas trees, plum pudding and everything being elegant and beautiful. Ladies and gentlemen dressed to go to people houses or even just to sit around theirs. The children were well turned out and played with balls and dolls
. Games were charades and cards. People sat around the piano singing...
And they sent out cards like this...
Nothing says "A Christmas Greeting with Love" like a card that also says "My kid is driving us so crazy that we stuffed him in a giant teapot. Now he won't shut up. Help!"
This looks like it could be a picture of Donald Trump as a kid. In which case, couldn't they have put the lid on it?
This is the card you send to your brother-in-law that gets drunk and throws up on your wedding dress.
It's a reminder that he will never be invited to your house for Christmas.
See the plum pudding and ale - just out of reach.
Of course there's the jester - REACHING FOR THE KNIFE.
Not threatening at all.
It's a Jolly Christmas where I'm going to dress up as a ghost and wait with a bat to pound you to death. Won't that be fun?
I think those tight corsets and the lead poisoning did a number on those ladies who sent out these cards. No wait. it was the patriarchy that did the number.
What a lovely card for a suiter to send to his intended. It promises elegance with his monocle, top hat, and walking stick. He's bringing a present of a heart and flowers. And he's promising a life of being trapped underground where you too will grow roots and have a tail, and be one with nature. What more could a girl want?
Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride uh huh Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride uh huh
Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride
Big umbrella by his side uh huh
Said Miss Martha will you marry me uh huh
Said Miss Martha will you marry me uh huh
Said Miss Martha will you marry me
We and the monkeys make a family, uh huh
Miss Martha took a long look at him uh huh
Miss Martha took a long look at him, uh huh,
Miss Martha took a long look at him,
Sized him up and said with a grin...
You have got to be kidding me! You have monkeys and you live with your mother and what is that horn on your head? Do you think you're a unicorn or something? Nuh, uh, no way. Nuh uh.
I blame the laudanum.
Do you know what that stuff is? It's opium!
So you have tight corsets, lead poisoning, opium, absinthe, and hoop skirts large enough that if a flame from fire gets on your dress you'll burn up faster than a dry Christmas tree lit by candles.
And you had the patriarchy.
Oh, that's what this is! It's a radical feminist card showing a woman about to eat the patriarchy! That makes sense now.
When you have shrimp for dinner. I have no idea what this is. You would think the shrimp couple would have decorated for Christmas a little bit. Just saying Merry Christmas is phoning it in. And to end this little foray down Victoria Lane, I will end with this card which is actually, kind of clever.
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