Advent Blog Day 7: Dear Diary

I have no idea when I wrote this. The file says 2001, but I suspect I wrote it before then. In the 80's or 90's. I do know I was not a teenager when I wrote this. I don't think it ever made it to my column. There's some satisfaction in knowing that this teenager would have a teenager now. Hope you enjoy...

Excerpts From The Diary of a Teenage Girl at Christmas Time

Dec 18,

Dear Diary

It was like so bizarre. Mom was at the kitchen table today licking envelopes and stamps. I think she was getting some kind of high off of them because after awhile she started saying stuff like “who’th Tham and Thally Thmith? Do you know Tham and Thally Thmith? I don’t know a Tham and Thally Thmith. Thomebody help me lick thethe thtamps.

By the way, I did tell her that it was a little late to be sending off Christmas cards. She just glared at me and said.

“Thethe are not Chrithmath cardth. Thethe are New Yearth Thalutationth.”

Dec 19

Dear Diary,

Mom is sure acting weird these days. I came home today and found her sitting on the floor wrapping presents and wearing ribbons and tape in her hair while muttering something about Harry Potter broomsticks and Aunt Agnes’s bedtime slippers. I didn’t know I had an Aunt Agnes. Mom’s been acting weird a lot lately. I think it started that day she was hanging the Christmas lights on the roof and I snuck up behind her and said, “Boo!” How was I supposed to know that she would jump and the ladder would go flying out from under her? Like that was my fault.

Dec.20,

Dear Diary,

Things have been so hectic in my life and my mom is just so unsupportive. It was the Christmas concert tonight and I had the lead in our play. Lots of lines, lots of singing. That kind of

stuff. Well, because of that, I completely forgot about the 200 homemade cookies that I promised for our schools Christmas party. So I asked Mom to do them for me. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have time. I mean I asked her this morning before going to school and I didn’t need them until after lunch. It’s not like she was really doing anything anyway, just picking up some dry cleaning, and buying some groceries and going to some old person’s home. You wouldn’t think she would have such a complete cow about it. So she comes by my school at lunchtime, throws me a package of store bought wafers, and says “Merry Christmas”, and throws me that look that says “I curse you that one day you’ll have a daughter just like you” and then promptly drives straight into a snowbank. Then, she gets out of the van, slips on the ice, and slides right underneath the van. My friends had to pull her out. Then the guys had to get together to push the van out of the snowbank. The whole thing was so humiliating. I wanted to die!

The party was fun anyway even though we had those lame wafer things. And the concert tonight was wonderful. I hit all my lines right and only sang off key once. Mother was so embarrassing though. When she wasn’t cracking jokes about the “incident” today she was bragging about me to everyone. She is so uncool.

Dec 21,

Dear Diary,

What is with that woman! One minute she’s running around the house singing Deck the Halls, the next she’s yelling “I’m going to Deck Your Halls if you don’t stop juggling those Christmas balls.” I only dropped a couple. I don’t know what the big deal is.

Dec. 22,

Dear Diary,

The tree fell over today. My baby sister was crawling around it chasing the cat when over it

went. We put it back up but it’s looking a little sad now. The decorations don’t look right. I think Mom should undecorate it and start all over again. I suggested it to her and she freaked right out. She said that I should do it. Like I have time! Skating parties, sleigh rides, movies, dances. It’s the last day of school and I’m supposed to spend my holidays doing her work. I don’t think so. Besides I’ve got a ton of shopping to do. Gotta get presents for all my friends.

Dec. 23

Dear Diary,

That same dumb sister found a stash of presents today and unwrapped a lot of them. My mom did a diving dash and covered the presents with her body so that we couldn’t see them. Then she screamed (and I mean screamed) at us to get out. Some Christmas spirit she has.

Dec. 24

Dear Diary

I do not understand that woman. All I did was say that the table would look better if she made a floral arrangement for it. Like was it that big a deal? She had already cooked all day, finished shopping, ironed my angel costume for the church nativity, carved out an ice sculpture and made a gingerbread castle with a moat. Would a little extra effort to put a few flowers on the table have been too much? I thought she cared about it when she up all night cross stitching snowflakes on the tablecloth. I just don’t get it.

She’s looking so strange lately too. Her eyes are kind of glazed over and her hair is matted on the back of her head. She almost answered the door today without her skirt on. And she’s constantly muttering things under her breath. Something about Santa Claus and shooting someone.

That woman needs to pull herself together. She’s been so embarrassing.

Dec.25

Dear Diary,

We finished Christmas dinner and then I innocently asked “what’s for dessert.” She went ballistic.

Some men in white coats have just come and taken her away in an ambulance. It was so weird seeing her in that jacket.

But I did get these really cool boots that I wanted.